LOST IN THIS realistic story
by lost-in-this3
Summary: My story picks up back in Forks, the night Bella saved Edward. My story explores the possibility that Bella did not forgive Edward right away. That she may need time to decide what to do. I tried to keep it as realistic as possible. Enjoy!
1. Guarded

**The basis of this short story belongs solely to Stephanie Meyers - author of the Twilight Saga's.**

**Thanks to her, we all have something to write about ;)**

*Note*: This story begins after Bella wakes up from saving Edward in Italy. Simply another take on the subject…

_Guarded - BPOV _

"Edward!" I yelled hurtling my body upright in bed. My heart was racing, as it always did when I thought about him. Cold sweat had taken its usual place along the nape of my neck. I rarely went a night without it. Suddenly a cold hand brushed along my hair. I jumped out of bed instinctually, my breath catching at the sight before me.

"Edward?" I gasped.

I willingly stepped forward but caught myself the minute I did so. I was afraid that if I moved, he would disappear. I stood perfectly still – not even taking a breath. I couldn't believe it, it was so…real.

"Bella", the vision whispered as it approached me carefully. "Bella, I'm not going to hurt you", he continued, raising his hands in the air mocking surrender.

I couldn't speak. I didn't want to ruin this moment with him. The vision approached me carefully, concern fitted across his too perfect face. His eyes were dark and intent. He reached for my hand…

"Bella?" he repeated.

I stepped back pulling my hand away before the union was made. I couldn't allow myself this. I couldn't allow myself to hope. I couldn't allow myself to feel.

"I wonder why this is happening, it usually only lasts a few short seconds?" I questioned, as I examined him wholly. He was wearing the same suit that he wore on that dreaded day in the forest. Although right now it was torn and dirty. Why was this?

"Bella, are you okay?" He had not tried to close the distance between us again since I had backed away.

"What is happening?" I chocked.

"Bella, we are here in your bedroom, back in Forks. I am here with you, in your room. Don't you remember?" A hint of sadness reached his eyes.

"This isn't possible. This is just a dream. You aren't here and I am not really seeing this. This isn't happening." I stepped back further.

"I am here, Bella. I am here with you now. I am going to be here with you always."

He slowly began to approach me. I was against the wall now – with no place to go. He took one final step toward me stopping within inches from my face.

"I'm so sorry." He begged.

"Bella…" for a moment I drowned in his sweat breathe. I could imagine the taste. "I'm so sorry", he repeated. He raised his hand, pausing momentarily to make sure it was ok to continue, and then brushed his hand down the long of my cheek stopping short of my collar-bone.

I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply.

Amazing…

Suddenly, the events of the past 6 months, and especially those of the past 2 days, came crashing back into my memory full force. I closed my eyes in concentration. At that moment I felt his cool skin on my face again.

"Please don't", I pleaded with him, lowering my head in defeat. "Please." I was so afraid of what to believe. I knew deep down that Edward really was here. I knew that we were here together. But I didn't know for how long.

After a few moments of silence I raised my head and looked into his alluring eyes. I was caught off-guard by the expression that layered his face. He looked torn…and anxious. He looked…distraught. In all my time with him, I had never seen anything like it.

"Bella listen to me. Please listen to me", he begged. "I can't even begin to convey to you how truly sorry I am. That day in the forest", he closed his eyes momentarily, "that day was the most excruciating day in my entire existence. And every day since then has been its close companion. There has not been a day that I have not thought about y…" I inadvertently cut him off.

"You left me" I breathed. Tears were forming in my eyes. I fought to hold them back. I fought to stay strong.

He lifted his hands to cup my face and held my head so that his eyes were penetrating mine. He was so beautiful.

"I know Bella, I know. And I know that what I'm about to say doesn't make up for that in any measure. I understand that if after this conversation you never want to speak to me again, I will have to face that. Although it will never, ever change the way I feel about you, I will have to learn to live with your decision. But I want you to know that the decision to leave you was meant to signify a new life for you – a better life. A life before all of this chaos and danger. A natural life."

I couldn't concentrate on what I wanted to say within this proximity to him. I broke away from his hold and walked toward the bed. He was there in an instant. But he did not try to touch me again. He gently sat down on my bed, all the while keeping eye contact with me.

He spoke, "I will listen to whatever it is you wish to say, love."

It all consumed me in that moment.

"Don't call me love!" I reacted. "You have no right to call me that. The last words you spoke to me before leaving negated anything you ever told me about love", I continued.

His face twitched with shock. He had not been expecting this.

"You, Edward", I tried to ignore the way it made me feel to say his name again, "told me that you didn't love me anymore? You made sure that I thought we were not good for each other. That everything we had been through together was not worth fighting for."

I lost the hold that I had forced upon myself. I started to cry. I hated the thought of how feeble I must look to him. Standing here broken, crying…pathetic.

I heard him stand up and slowly make his way to the front of me. He grabbed the top of my ratty sweatpants and pulled me into him.

He lifted my head forcing me to look at him, his eyes burning with emotion. Then he slowly closed in and stopped a mere inch from my face. He was looking right into my soul. "I love you so much" he breathed. His lips were on mine then. He moved his hands to the back of my head gripping my hair, tracing my lower lip with his tongue. He pulled back for the briefest of seconds and whispered my name. I could not fight him anymore. In this moment my body and my mind no longer waged war against one another. I abandoned any willpower that remained. I kissed him back, grabbing his hair in return. I forced him back until he collapsed onto the bed. I wrapped my legs around his waste to face him. I went in for another kiss, my hands searching for more. He grabbed my back pulling me into him. I could feel every line of his body against my own. My heart raced. This was not like the careful kisses we had once shared. No, this was nothing like that. He used my hair to pull my head back and continued tracing a line with his tongue down the length of my neck. It was pure pleasure.

I exhaled in bliss.

With deliberate slowness, he ascended his way back up leaving gentle kisses along the way, finishing with one last longing kiss to my mouth, lingering on my bottom lip.

I opened my eyes to find him examining me intently. I saw the tiniest hint of a smile creep upon his eyes and lips. His eyes were hungry.

"You don't know how much I have longed for that" he exhaled.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Something about his statement sent me leaping off of his lap and out of his grasp. He advanced to stand up, but I held up my hand and motioned for him to stay put.

Reality had restored itself in my mind.

I looked at him; "_I_ don't know how much you have longed for that?" his statement left me reeling. I continued, "I must have forgotten that you were the only one left devastated during these past 6 months, Edward. I forgot that you must have been the only one that had lost the love of their life, the meaning to their existence. May I add that I was not the one that chose to leave – you were!"

He was up in an instant, ignoring my previous request. He grabbed my hands and brought them up against his chest. "Bella I truly did not mean to hurt you. I promise that the reasons I left were only to protect you. I had no idea of what my leaving would do to you. I am truly more sorry than you will ever know. Please forgive me" he pleaded, while pulling my hands up to his mouth, "Please forgive me Bella", he whispered against the skin of my wrist.

It killed me to see him like this, but my anger acted as a cure for that sympathy. I pulled my hands from his chest. "That is exactly my point Edward. You never even once thought to speak to me about this before making such a life altering decision? I was blindsided! You left me there in the woods. You just left me. I don't know how to forgive that. I don't know how to _forget_ that", I declared calmly.

After a silent moment, I had decided. "I need time Edward. If you truly do love me, you'll give me some time."

He took one step back from me and dropped his head toward the floor for an immeasurable moment. He slowly lifted his head and looked at me with defeated eyes. Calmly he spoke, "I don't know how I will ever forgive myself for what I have done to you. I was so foolish. I cannot blame you for feeling this way."

He reclaimed his step and met me with his eyes. "Bella, I will wait for you forever", he promised.

He reached for my hands one last time, grasping them in between his own. "I want you to know that I have always loved you. I will always love you and care for you above and far beyond anything else. You will always have my heart, Bella." After a moments pause, he leaned in and kissed me one last time on the lips, his hands slowly traveling up my arms, residing on my cheeks. He then broke off and turned toward the window.

My mind was lost. My heart was longing. But I knew that if he were to decide to leave again, whatever the reason may be, I could not survive it. The trust that I wanted to feel in that moment was lost to me. I could not ignore that.

Just before stepping through the window he turned toward me and spoke…

"My family and I will be living back here in Forks for now." My heart skipped a beat. "But if you find that you would no longer like us to reside here in your town, I will make sure that we disappear for good."

With one last hungry look back he jumped out the window and vanished from my bedroom.

I collapsed to the floor.

To be continued….

(I hope that you guys liked my take on things. It was fun to write! I always feel like there are things that I could have added/deleted or changed, but this is what I decided on )


	2. Void

_Void-EPOV_

I hated myself.

I had thought that I hated myself before, when I had first chosen to leave her, but this was different. This was worse. This was pure torture. To have had her safely in my arms, to have felt the smooth planes of her full lips once again, it was heaven right in the center of the hell that I have created for us. I could barely move. After leaving my sanctuary, my only heaven, her bedroom, I walked home at a snaillike pace. It took every ounce of effort to place one foot in front of the other and to not turn back to go to her.

I stood in the front of my family's house, the house where that fateful night had occurred. I would give anything to go back to that night. I would sacrifice whatever soul I had left, if any, to go back. I would have never left my Bella. I would have never for one second made her think that I did not love her anymore. The idea was utterly absurd. It was utterly absurd because it was wholly and entirely untrue. My love for her has never ceased, not even an ounce, and it never will. My love for her has only grown and will continue to grow whatever the outcome of our relationship. She is my life. She is my one and only. She holds the key to everything kind and beautiful.

"Bella…" I sighed. Dropping my head in defeat.

At that moment the front door crept open and Alice peered through the crack. Once our eyes met she walked toward me with deliberate slowness.

"Edward? Edward I'm so sorry." She pursued. Her face showed that of comfort, yet loss. "I saw Edward. I saw what happened tonight. It's not so bad." She falsely and half-heartedly recounted, measuring my reaction. As if that simple statement could possibly be enough to make me feel better.

It didn't.

Once she read my face, she knew that this was not the time for that.

_I'm sorry. I thought I would at least try. _

She made her way in front of me and wrapped her arms around me in comfort. I did not respond. I just stood there…numb.

"Edward, please, come inside so that we can talk. We can figure this out. I promise that you and I will figure this out. We will find a way Edward." She pulled me by the hand and guided me inside.

The rest of my family was quietly standing there as I walked in. Everyone was there except for Rosalie. I'm sure that she was still feeling guilty for relaying that horribly false and untrue message to me, and was scared to show her face.

_Edward, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Please look at me. I hate to see you like this, _Esme thought.

Next was Emmett_. Yo, Edward I'm really sorry buddy. I'm here if you want to blow off some steam. Just let me know. We'll go take it out on some grizzly._

It was at that point that I stopped listening to their thoughts completely. I couldn't handle everyone looking at me waiting for me to react. I would not react.

I did not make eye contact with any of them.

Alice guided me straight up the stairs to my bedroom, her thoughts silent. She sat down on the couch while I approached my wall of windows. It was a motionless night outside – not a peep to be heard. It was as if the entire world had hushed, waiting for me to make the first move against it. I leaned against the glass peering out, hands raised above my head.

_Oh Edward.._.

"Alice, what am I going to do? She doesn't want to see me."

"That's not true Edward. She didn't say that. She's just lost. But she loves you. She must love you. It wouldn't be right otherwise. I know that she loves you." She stated. Probably trying to convince herself more than me. "She would not have reacted to you the way she did if she did not care for you deeply, right?"

I ignored her question. I ignored it because for once I did not have the answer to it.

"Do you see anything? Do you see anything happening with her and I in the future?" I'd hoped she could see something that I could not possibly see at this moment.

"Nothing concrete." _I'm sorry_. "Like I said, she is confused right now, she is very unsure of both you and herself. She has had a very hard time since you left. She has not healed yet. And that scares her, as it would any human. They are all so fragile Edward, especially Bella."

I closed my eyes as Alice said her name, remembering a day not so long ago in Biology class, "No, Bella is fine, but everyone here seems to know me as Isabella." How much I would give to go back to that day.

"I miss her Alice. I miss everything about her. Her face, her lips, her hair, her clumsiness, her…scent. I'm such a miserable excuse for a" Alice bounced off of the couch in an instant, grabbing my shoulders, standing on her tippy toes in order to reach my eye level.

"Don't ever say that Edward! You are an amazing being. We are all so fortunate to be able to share this existence with you. Don't ever think any different. Bella knows you inside and out, she will come around."

"Do you see her asking us to leave Forks?" suddenly alarmed.

"No, she won't ask us to leave. Bella would never ask us to leave, regardless of what arises amongst you two. At least I hope so. I would miss her. I would miss this place. I have missed this place. And…" then she abruptly cut her sentence short, as if I would not have noticed.

"Alice! What is it? What have you seen?" The sound of my voice grew in anticipation.

_Nothing. Nothing to worry about. Just a small thing that you really shouldn't worry about right now. Lets figure out a way to win her…_

"Alice!" I pressed.

She raised her eyes to meet mine. "Jacob Black."

That was all she needed to say. I knew exactly what would come next. "Jacob Black is in love with Bella." I stated matter of factly.

_Yes_.

My Bella. A wolfe and my Bella. This could not be the reality that I must learn to live with. It couldn't be. Could it?

"Alice, I have to do something. I can't let this happen. It won't happen, it's far too dangerous!"

"Edward, I'm sorry to have to say this but you may not have a choice in the matter any longer. But rest assured, I do not see Bella returning the boys feelings. Not yet. She only sees him as a friend. But a friend that guided her through the worst of her low points. They have a very strong bond Edward. He won't hurt her, I will keep a close watch."

I stood there for an immeasurable moment before coming to my conclusion.

"Will you speak with her on my behalf? Tell her that I love her? That's it; just tell her that I love her."

"Of course I will," she promised, with a reassuring smile.

My plan was to give Bella the time and distance from me that she desired. I would not approach her - not too often at least. I could not promise myself that I would never try to speak with her, or reach out to her. I would only be lying to myself.

I turned to Alice and pulled her in for a bear hug. "Thank you for everything Alice. You know that since _I_ am at one of _my_ worst lows, you are going to have to step up to be the best friend here, right?" She giggled, sensing my plan.

She drew back, placing her hands on my shoulders.

"Are you kidding? I'm the 'inside guy' on this one. I can't wait until you two are back together. It was always meant to be. From the very first moment, it was always meant to be."

At that, Alice left me alone with my thoughts.

As everyone went about his or her business, knowing that I did not want to be bothered, I laid across my couch drowning in Debussy on repeat. Before Bella, I would not have understood how any form of being could possibly feel this lovesick over another. I would not have sympathized. I would have pitied the fool who did so. But now, I could fully commiserate. Romeo and Juliet, Jennifer Cavalleri and Oliver Barrett IV, even Cathy, Heathcliff and Edgar. All of which are held captive by their own wrongdoings.

As was I.

It was going to be an extremely long night before I could place my eyes on her once again. I longed to climb into her bedroom to watch her sleep. Tomorrow my siblings and I would start back at Forks High School. Once an annoyingly boring and torturous chamber was now my saving grace.

I decided that I needed to hunt.

I bounded down the stairs in one leap turning my head harshly toward the living room where my family resided. I looked Emmett square in the face.

"Lets go."

"This is gonna be awesome!" he said excitedly. He immediately hurtled himself out of his chair and dashed past me through the front door.

I looked at the rest of them and offered one stern nod in their direction, then abruptly followed Emmett into the dark forest.

(More to come! Feel free to let me know how you like it so far.)

Special thank you to JamieWhite18 for the kind review!


	3. Apprehensive

Apprehensive – BPOV

"Hey what's up with you Bells? You look at little sick." Charlie said, lowering his newspaper in order to examine me more carefully.

"No I'm fine dad. Just had a long night out in La Push." I lied, keeping my eyes in the fridge, looking but not seeing.

"Yeah you must have gotten home pretty late. How's are the boys out on the res?"

"Good. They're good. Not much to change out there." I had to concentrate to keep my voice from sounding off. My stomach was in knots. I could barely choke down the cereal that I had grabbed.

"Well that's good. Tell Billy that I say hi next time you head out that way. We're getting together to watch the baseball game next week. Our teams 6 and 0 and on their way to 7 and 0." he said proudly.

"That sounds like fun dad", laughing lightly in order to ease any thoughts he may have about my present state.

"Alright well I gotta head out to work. Have a good day at school Bells" he said planting a kiss on my forehead.

"See you later dad."

I felt guilty for lying to him. But I didn't see how the truth of the matter could in anyway result in not hurting him.

I went upstairs to change for school petrified of what was to come. I didn't know if they were going to be there, and more specifically, if _he_ was going to be there. He had said that they were living back here again. It would only be natural that they enroll back into school. Again my stomach lurched at the thought. I had no idea of what to expect. Did they hate me? Were they allowed to speak to me? I'd hoped that what had happened between Edward and I would not affect my friendships with the others.

I found myself searching my closet frantically. I had no idea of what I was looking for. Today was no ordinary day. Today everyone would most likely watch me closely. Especially Jess, Angela, Mike and Eric. They would be waiting to see me react to the news of the Cullen's return. But what did it matter what I wore? I was running late now so I quickly threw on my favorite jeans, my fitted long-sleeved brown shirt along with my worn out converse. I threw my beanie in my bag just in case. I was glad that I had paid a little extra attention to my hair though. Lying to myself of the reason for doing so.

I pulled into the school, scanning the lot for any of their cars. I did not see any of them. Suddenly I felt a little sad. I felt a little let down. Not realizing that my hopes had been raised until they came crashing down. I parked in the outermost region of the lot, not really sure why. I climbed out of my truck, organizing my bag on my bumper when out of the corner of my eye; I saw a red car pull into the lot.

It was Rosalie's car. Behind her followed his silver Volvo.

My breath caught at the sight. I didn't know what to do. I decided to walk to class as I would any normal day. I threw my bag over my shoulder and soldiered on. I did not look to see where they had parked. I forced myself to not pay attention.

I made my way to English class safely. Breathing easy that none of them had been assigned this class. What would I do if one of them were? I pushed the thought from my mind.

"Hey did you see? The Cullen's are back" whispered one of my surrounding neighbors. I pretended not to hear.

The teacher was running late, so I took this opportunity to draw meaningless circles on my notebook. I'd hoped that it would occupy my mind in some measure.

It didn't.

Just then Jessica hurried into class, slowing down momentarily to spot me. Shoot.

"Bella!" She rushed over and sat in the seat directly in front of me. "Bella guess what? Guess who I just saw?" She bounced in anticipation.

She was the one person that I was most dreading having this conversation with. Here we go.

" I don't know Jess, who did you see?" I challenged.

"The Cullen's. The Cullen's are back, Bella!" she said eagerly, awaiting my reaction.

I let her down. "That's nice, Jess" as I continued to doodle on my notebook.

"Bella, did you hear me? The Cullen's are back. Edward is back!" she probed.

My heart bucked at the sound of his name. The feeling in my stomach deepened.

"Yeah I heard you Jess. The Cullen's are back. That's nice. I'm sure they are happy to be back home." I stated calmly.

Once she saw that I was not going to react the way she had anticipated, she moved on to her own seat.

English soon ended, and thank goodness that I did not run into anybody in my next two classes. No Jessica, no Mike…no Cullen's. But unfortunately the classes sped by way to quickly. I was in no way ready to go to the lunchroom. I had not fully prepared myself for what was to come. I had actually contemplated eating lunch outside of one of my classrooms, but quickly decided that that would be really pitiful to do so. So once again, I forged ahead.

Luckily Angela caught up with me outside of the gym and walked with me the rest of the way. I took one last deep breath before entering the cafeteria.

As I walked into the cafeteria I immediately spotted Jessica, Eric and Mike. I allowed myself one quick glance at the table that they used to occupy.

Nobody.

I continued down the line, blindly grabbing food along the way. I had not noticed what I had grabbed until I took a seat at our table. I'd managed to grab one apple, one side of mashed potatoes and chocolate milk. A scattered diet to match my scattered brain.

"Nice choice there Bella." Eric said, laughing at my scrambled tray of food.

"Yeah what can I say? I feel like a little bit of everything."

I had taken one bite into my apple when Jessica loudly whispered. "See there they are Bella!"

I froze, gently setting my apple back on my tray, hiding my face behind my hair. I hated that we were back to this again. I did not dare look over at them. I was afraid that if I did, I would see four sets of angry eyes. At least I hoped that it would only be four, and not five.

"I told you," she continued, tapping my tray in excitement. "Bella didn't believe me that they were back".

"I did too. It's just not that big of a deal to me, that's all" I corrected. Yeah right, not a big deal. It was a _huge_ deal.

Jessica rolled her eyes and continued to ogle.

Sensing my discomfort, Angela whispered, "It's okay Bella, they're sitting on the other side of the cafeteria" winking at me without the others noticing.

"Thanks" I mouthed.

"Yeah, well I still think that there is something really strange about them. I think that they're hiding something. Maybe they're superheroes or something. They're just to…perfect." You could see Mike studying them intently. I knew that Edward would hear that. He would hear anything that they were thinking and everything we were saying. I assumed that he was imagining throwing Mike through a wall right now. I couldn't help but play out the scene in my head.

The group laughed at Mike's assumption.

They had no idea how close yet how far from the truth he really was. Superheroes –no, superpowers-yes. I smiled at myself for being 'in' on the secret.

Again, Angela spoke in my ear, "Edward is staring at you, Bella." My heart leaped from my chest. Would I ever get used to hearing his name in casual conversation again? I doubted it. "He's been staring at you ever since he sat down" she continued.

I whispered back, "I don't know what to do Angela." I could tell by her facial features that she could sense my pain. Her eyebrows furrowed in the middle and her lips slightly drooped arranging a look of sympathy.

"Do you want to come over today to talk about it?"

"Are you sure you don't mind? I don't want to be a downer or anything." Although I knew she was far too selfless to ever think something like that.

She patted my hand in reassurance. "Be at my house at 4."

I smiled at her in acceptance to her offer.

I needed someone to talk to. I needed an outside source to shed light on what was going on in my life at this moment. She may be able to help me see something that I can't or don't see. And if anything, it will be nice to just _talk_ to somebody. God knows that I wouldn't talk to Charlie or Rene.

Without thinking, I glanced over at their table. She was right; Edward was staring directly at me. Suddenly all of the chatter in the room was silenced in my mind. Through the ever-shifting crowd of students, all I could see was his face. I didn't look away immediately. I couldn't make myself look away. His eyes were golden brown again. He must have gone hunting last night. He smiled at me gently. I smiled in return, allowing my eyes to linger a bit longer before turning back toward my friends. I couldn't help it, I missed him. I also couldn't help but notice the saddened expression on his face. I wondered if he'd noticed that my face most likely mirrored his own.

"So, Bella, you going to go with all of us to the Winter Dance?" Mike questioned, pulling me from my reverie.

"Oh. I hadn't thought much about it actually. You know me and dancing," I reminded them.

Jessica giggled at my expense and then added "You can't use that as an excuse, Bella. You went with Edward last year."

At that moment, everyone turned to look at me.

"Jessica!" Angela hissed.

I slowly raised my head to meet her eyes. "Yes, thank you for reminding me Jess." I said curtly. "I must have forgotten."

I glanced over at Edward to see if he had been listening. His face was deadly serious, eyes filled with fury. He had heard.

"Yeah, well, um, yeah you should definitely go with us. We're going in a big group. My parents are buying us all dinner down in Port Angeles. Should be fun." He suggested, attempting to break the tension.

"Okay I'll think about it. Thanks for the invite, Mike."

I was sure that Edward was currently blowing his last fuse. Firstly, over Jessica's spite toward me and now over Mike's invitation. Just then the bell rang signaling the end of lunch. I couldn't wait to get out of this room. I felt like I had been an ant under a magnifying glass.

I looked over at Edwards table. He was the only one of his family left there. We both sat there motionless as the rest of the student body scattered around us. I could have spent all day sitting here staring at him.

"Bella, let's go, we're gonna be late!" Eric shouted from across the room.

I jumped at the sound of Eric's voice. I closed my eyes and forced myself out of my seat. I stared at the floor as I crossed the room, meeting up with Eric and then heading off to class.

I had Chemistry with Ms. Vogel next. We were doing some kind of lab today. I took my usual seat at the back of the class. I treasured the fact that I didn't have a lab partner. I preferred doing all of the work on my own. Most of the other kids just kind of fooled around before copying off of one of the smarter kids for answers. Ms. Vogel handed out today's assignment. We were learning how to grow our own crystal salt gardens. Just as I started working on the assignment, I heard the teacher say, "Go ahead and make your way to the back of the classroom. There is a seat open next to Bella Swan, the girl with the long brown hair there."

My stomach dropped. I looked up to see Ms. Vogel pointing at me, motioning Edward in my direction. I felt my heart tighten; my face was red in an instant. I dropped my head immediately. I knew this was bound to happen, and now it was. I heard him approach quietly, setting his books on the table and pulling out the chair.

"Hi." He said gently.

I looked up to meet his eyes. I still couldn't believe how beautiful he was. "Hi." I answered.

"How are you, Bella?" he asked, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.

I lowered my head sheepishly and then returned to look at him. "I'm doing okay. How are you doing?"

His face twitched before he had time to recover it. I knew his face all to well to miss something like that. "I'm surviving."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

I didn't know what we were supposed to talk about. I didn't know where to go from here. I didn't have to, he lead the conversation while I continued with the lab.

"So I hear there's a dance coming up?" I could hear the hint of smile he had in his voice.

"Yeah, I heard that somewhere to." I grinned in return, glancing through the microscope and then stopping to take notes.

He fished for more.

"So are you thinking of going?" he mused.

"I don't think so. You know better than anyone that that dance floor and I don't mix."

"Yes I recall." He chimed, staring off out the window. He appeared to be in deep thought. After a moment he returned to me. He smiled at me again.

I couldn't help but smile every time he did. He was making it very difficult to remember the reasons of our separation. I was hesitant to ask about his family but I decided against my better judgment.

"So how is your family doing?" I asked, aiming for a casual tone.

His smile grew. "They are doing well. They are extremely happy that we are all back together, and safe. Especially Esme. Would you like me to relay any messages on your behalf?"

He caught me off guard with his willingness to do so.

"Oh, well um yeah sure, if you don't mind?

He laughed. "I don't mind."

"Okay, well then, please tell them that I say hello and I hope to see them all very soon." I said lamely.

"You do?" He sounded surprised.

"Of course I do. I love your family, Edward." There it went again. My stomach. Tied in knots at the sound of his name. Not to long ago, I was barely able to think it, let alone say it aloud.

His eyes grew gentle. "As they love you."

His eyes. His golden eyes…

As if on command, Ms. Varner showed up to collect our assignments. I quickly added Edward's name to the paper and handed it over. He no longer questioned my answers. He knew better.

"So what did you mean earlier when you said your family is happy to be 'back together'?" I wasn't sure if it was okay to ask this, but I was sure that he wouldn't mind telling me. He usually told me whatever I wanted to know.

He paused momentarily, fidgeting in his seat. It must be something difficult to talk about because Edward never fidgeted unless it was on purpose.

"That is difficult to talk about." He said briskly. "Another place and time, okay?" he asked.

I nodded once. "Okay."

Chemistry ended all to soon. As the bell rang, we both packed up with deliberate slowness. I stood up and tossed my bag over my shoulder. He stood there next to the desk, waiting. He motioned to have me lead the way out. He followed closely behind. I turned toward him outside of the door. I had no idea how to end the conversation. Again, he took the lead.

"I hope you have a great day, Bella." He said, mocking seriousness.

I smiled in response. He then held out my Chemistry book. I must have forgotten to pack it in my dazed stupor. I grabbed it and held it to my chest, using it as my security blanket.

"You too, Edward. I'll see you later."

He nodded once. And at that I turned and made my way toward the Gym. This last hour with him did not help my decision at hand. It was literally impossible to think clearly around him. Thank goodness I was going over to Angela's house. It was one of the few places where he and I did not share a memory. It was free space.

I arrived early to the locker room. I despised this class. It was an hour that seemed to drag on for two. I stuffed my bag into my locker, taking out all of my frustration on it. I went to throw my Chemistry book in when I noticed something written on the top left corner. I examined it closely. It simply read:

I miss you.

More to come! Let me know what you think so far!


	4. Determined

The basis of this short story belongs to Stephenie Meyer – author of the Twilight Series (including characters and story lines). 

_Determined - BPOV_

Finally, the end of the school day had arrived. It was not an easy one by any means, but it definitely was not the assault that I had prepared myself for, either. I got through the first day of 'their' return physically unscathed. But emotionally, I was my own worst enemy. As I made my way to the parking lot, the only thing I could think about was those three words: I miss you, I miss you, I miss you…

It made my heart melt every time I pictured him communicating slyly, via my Chem book, and then returning it to me to discover at a later time. I missed him as well. I knew it wasn't long before I caved.

I arrived at my car and without looking I tossed my book bag into the passenger's seat.

"Ouch!" screeched a small voice. I looked over to see Alice patiently seated in my passenger's seat, holding my 15 pound book bag as if it were a cupcake displayed gently on her dainty little hand. "That hurt Bella" she lied, offering up a smile and a wink. "I'm very fragile you know?" Just then she hopped out of the truck and made her way over, throwing her arms around me, suffocating me in a bear hug. "I missed you, Bella!"

"Alice," I choked, "it's been less than one full day since I've seen you." I reminded her. As if she needed reminding. Her memory was far more mature and developed than mine could ever be.

"I know, I know. It just feels like it has been longer than that, that's all. Can I get a ride home with you?" she bounced.

"Of course you can. I'm heading to Angela's house anyways. Hop in."

I backed out of my parking spot slowly. I had learned that sometimes my truck had a mind of its own. I had learned that the hard way. My dented bumper was proof enough.

"Could you have parked any further away, Bella?" she giggled.

I gave her the stink eye and then threw my car into drive. I immediately slammed on my breaks. Edward was nonchalantly walking across the lot in front of my truck. I hadn't noticed but he and Rosalie had parked their cars one row over from mine. He glanced over and smiled cunningly. This was all part of his master plan. I was sure of it.

I looked over at Alice, "Does that answer your question?" I asked rhetorically, motioning with my head toward Edward. He had reached his car by now, so I took the opportunity and sped off.

She smiled suspiciously.

It didn't take long for Alice to strike up conversation. Conversation meaning I spoke about five words to her fifteen. She asked me how Charlie was doing and if he had become suspicious of anything since I had come back. She also spoke about Jasper and how exceptional his progress had become in regard to his 'vegetarian diet'. She also spoke a bit of their time away and how much she had missed Forks. How much she had missed me in particular. It made me feel good to know that she had missed my friendship as much as I had missed hers. She made sure to tread lightly on the subject of Edward. She mentioned him only twice, and it was in a casual circumstance. Once she was finished sharing some of the details of the past six months of her life, she stopped to look at me.

"So, do you have any questions?" She asked. You didn't have to have extra ordinary senses to know what I was thinking. "Don't be afraid, Bella" she said, patting my shoulder in reassurance. "I was told that I am allowed to tell you whatever you would like to know."

I looked at her in order to read her facial expression. I knew that she would never lie to me.

"Yes, I may have a few questions, if you don't mind?"

"Not at all, Bella, ask away!"

I took a moment to think of the very first question that I wanted to ask. I stared at the road ahead of me, turning onto the dirt road that would eventually lead me to the Cullen's house.

I had decided.

"How come you did not come to me before you left?" I asked. "How come you didn't say good-bye?"

She lowered her head. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for that." She sounded ashamed. "You don't know how angry I was that I was not allowed to say good-bye. You don't know how angry I was at him. He told us that we were not allowed to contact you in any way. He said that it would only make it more difficult to move on, for all of us. I understand that he was only trying to protect you, but I couldn't help but be angry with him for putting us all in that position." She looked over at me. I'm sure she was measuring my reaction.

I felt angry again. As she finished telling me this, I couldn't help but recall all of those dreaded feelings of abandonment. I shook it off.

"Yeah, I understand. I guess." I answered simply. "I mean, I guess that seeing you guys would not have softened the blow. It was all just so sudden. Looking back there were definitely clues, but I would have never thought that it would have resulted in your guys' leaving. It was my fault really."

"Bella, stop, it was not your fault. Nothing about this situation is your fault. You have done nothing but understand and love us all unconditionally. You even kept our secret from your family and friends. If anyone should apologize, it's us. We brought you into our world and it was not fair how you were left like that. And even after our departure, you still kept our secret. It is amazing really. How a human could be so loyal to us. You're special. That's why we all love you. That's why Edward is _in love_ with you." She looked at me cautiously, afraid of how I would react to her last statement. When I didn't react, and just stared forward without expression, she continued. "He loves you more than anything Bella, he asked me to tell you that. He's devastated."

Neither of us spoke again until we reached the front of her house. I looked around for his car.

"Don't worry, he's not here. He knew that you were bringing me home and did not want to make you uncomfortable."

I stared out the window into the dense forest surrounding their house. "I don't know how we got here, Alice." I said, pausing momentarily. "I've been alone and heartbroken for the last six months – literally, destroyed. I just couldn't understand how that came to be. After all of the things he promised me, and after how much he declared he loved me over and over. Then he just left. As lame as my sob story is, it's hard for me to move on from that. Even though he promised to never leave me again. How can I trust him after everything that has happened?" I turned to her, desperate for answers. But I knew that she didn't hold the answers that I was searching for. He and I were the only people who had them.

"I don't know, Bella. I cannot begin to understand what you must be feeling right now. And I'm sorry that I can't help you. I can only tell you what I know."

I sat there twiddling my hands in my lap.

"Maybe you should speak to Edward again?" She proposed.

I registered that for a moment before answering. "Yeah, I suppose. Another time though. I'm supposed to go to Angela's to hang out for a little bit, but I think that I'm going to call her to reschedule. I don't know if I feel up to talking about all of this again right now. I'd rather just head home and do some chores."

"I understand." She said. "Does that mean that you don't want to ask me any more questions? You only asked one."

"True. But all my questions come pretty loaded. We could be here for hours." I laughed casually, trying to lighten up the mood again.

"Very true." She giggled in response. "I'm sure you have a lot to think about, so on that note, I will let myself out." She turned to me and gave me another infamous Cullen bear hug. "Thanks for the ride, Bella. It was really nice to talk to you. And call me if you ever ever ever want to talk." She said squeezing me tighter, before releasing me.

"Thanks, Alice. I'll see you tomorrow at school."

Before she closed the door I called her name to stop her. "Do you mind if I allow myself one more?"

She leaned against the open door frame, smiling, "Shoot!"

"Can you just tell me what he was like these past six months? How he was doing? _What_ he was doing?" My one question turned into three and I knew that we could possibly be here for some time, but I couldn't drive away not knowing. I couldn't wait any longer.

She hesitated before answering my question. Her face turned serious and sad. "That's a tough one, Bella. I would love to tell you what I know, but what I know is very limited. I think that you would get a more complete answer if you just spoke with him about it. What I can tell you is that we did not see much of Edward while we were away." She studied my expression, probably finding confusion in its place. "We only saw Edward a couple of days out of the six months that we were gone, and he has never told us exactly what he was doing, or where he was."

It took me a moment to register what she was telling me. What could have kept him away from his family for all that time? They were a unit, a clan, take one and you get all seven.

"We kind of just stopped calling him after a while because he would never answer his phone, or return our calls. We wanted to give him the space he desired." She lifted her hands in bewilderment. "I'm sorry that I don't have more information for you, Bella. I wish for both of our sakes that I did. He was very careful to keep his distance from me so that I could not tell the others where to find him. He did an excellent job at that, because the few visions that I did get were very dark and dirty. Nothing in what I saw could point us in his direction."

I sat there for another moment before speaking. "Well then, I guess time will tell. But if he doesn't want to share his journey with his family, I'm sure he won't want to share it with me." I pointed out to her.

"On the contrary, Bella, I think that you are the _only_ person that he wants to share this information with. You may want to find out."

"Alright well thanks again, Alice. It was nice of you let me grill you."

"Anytime, Bella, I'll see you later!" she answered, shutting my door and dancing off toward the house.

I watched her walk into the Cullen's house and then I continued to stare at it for a moment before pulling away. It felt like so long ago that I was last in that house.

I drove home in a zombie-like state. My mind wandered across all of the possibilities of Edward's disappearance. I couldn't really think of any one place where Alice would not have been able to 'see' him. Surely she would have recognized the icy architecture of the Alaskan mountains, or the wet landscape of the rainforests that inhabited the earth. Honestly, I couldn't picture him anywhere but here. I couldn't picture him anywhere but in his meadow, or sitting next to me in Biology. I wasn't sure if I even had a right to ask him. We were not together during that time. He did not owe me an explanation, but I had a feeling that Alice was right. Maybe I was the only person he would tell. I would soon find out.

I called Angela and cancelled my pity date. I made my way home instead. Charlie wasn't home yet, so I kept myself busy by doing laundry and cooking dinner. Once that was done, my next mission was to clean the house. I lied, telling myself that it was dirty in the first place, but I was not going to allow myself to just sit around and do nothing. Even worse, sit around and _think_. After a couple of hours of cleaning, it was nearly seven o'clock and Charlie was still no where to be seen. I decided to take my dinner and head upstairs to finish my Chemistry homework. I pulled out my book, and there it was - his little handwritten note:

I miss you.

I must have read it twenty-five times before I made my decision. I was going to drive over to the Cullen's house and talk with Edward. We both needed this.

I grabbed my keys and my sweatshirt and headed out in my truck. I didn't bother calling, as I'm sure Alice had already seen me returning. If not, it was just a matter of time before she did. As I rounded the corner and approached the house, I saw Edward sitting on the front porch steps waiting for me.


	5. Authors Note 1

_Authors Note_

I just wanted to thank anyone that has taken the time to read my story, LOST IN THIS. Hopefully I have created something that you can look forward to reading. I am new to this site, and have yet to take time away from writing to read some of the other fanfics out there. I can't wait to indulge! Please feel free to send your comments (good or bad). I appreciate all types' reviews.

I am writing my next chapter, Waiting, and it will be up very soon! Do you think Bella will forgive Edward, or do you think that she will choose to move on…?

Wait to find out...

Best!


	6. Waiting

The basis of this short story belongs to Stephenie Meyer – author of the Twilight Series (including characters and story lines

_**Waiting – EPOV **_(this is going to be a short chapter**)**

I was driving myself crazy. I must have driven around the outermost border of Forks twenty times by now. Bella was giving Alice a ride home from school, and they surely must be close by now. Knowing Bella, she was driving under the speed limit the entire way there. I laughed to myself. She was so careful not to break the law. She was my exact opposite. I was hard, tough and cold. She was sweet, warm and breakable.

I promised Alice that I would not listen in on their conversation. I eventually pulled into an empty parking lot outside of Forks Park. I turned my music up so loud that the windows were vibrating with the beat of the music. Even over the deafening pulse, I could still hear the chatter of a couple that was having dinner across the street. They were in the midst of an argument over who should have to forfeit the money for the water bill. The man, with his three times a week at home car washes, or the woman, with her thirty minute showers. It sounded as if _she_ was winning the argument. I exhaled, wishing that my problems were of that petty nature. I was not battling over a utility bill; I was battling over my life.

My life, the girl that happened to be driving my sister home at this very moment. I momentarily lowered my mental barricade and allowed myself one quick glance. I could see them parked in front of our house. I could see her face, my angel. She was looking down at her hands twiddling her fingers. Her delicate fingers…I listened just long enough to hear, 'It is amazing really. How a human could be so loyal to us.' Just hearing Alice say that made my heart ache. I'm glad that she was telling Bella how amazing she is. Bella would not listen if it were I. I turned my music up louder to drown out the remaining 'noise'.

After an additional fifteen minutes of torture, I allowed myself one final glance. Alice was dancing up toward the front of our house. I couldn't see Bella, Alice was no longer looking at her. I threw my car into gear and peeled out of the parking lot, narrowly missing the annoying couple that had made there way out of the restaurant.

I pulled my car onto a side street where there were no lights. I jumped out and scaled a few roofs, finally coming to rest in a tree across the street from Bella's house. She pulled in moments later. I watched her get out of her truck lugging her heavy book bag into the house. I wished over everything else that I could offer to carry it for her. If she gave me the chance, I would carry it for her everyday. I listened as she shut the door and made her way up to her room, dropping her book bag off and then heading back down to cook dinner for Charlie. I closed my eyes and listened to her footsteps. I had memorized those footsteps so long ago. I had memorized the exact pattern of how her feet hit the floor. First her heal, followed by the rest. Her right step was ever so slightly louder than her left. I then heard her preparing dinner, followed by finishing up her laundry. I must have sat there for hours just listening to her move. I couldn't believe that I could only listen. I wanted to watch. I wanted to watch her prepare dinner and clean the house. I wanted to watch her life happen. I wanted to be an active participant in it all. I could only hope that one day she would give me that chance, again.

I decided that I should head home and give Bella some time away from me. Even though she did not know I was there, I still felt as if I were not giving her the space she desired - space away from me. I would give her the rest of the night to be alone with her thoughts. I took one last listen to way her feet hit the stairs and then sprang from the tree.

I drove home at an almost human pace, taking a moment to remember some of the good times that Bella and I had shared. The meadow, the schools dance…the first dinner date in Port Angeles. Her delicate blue top…

As I pulled into the driveway, Alice was waiting for me. I read her thoughts.

_Bella is on her way over Edward. She wants to speak with you._

If my heart were alive, it would have beat through my chest.

I jumped out of my car.

"Is she angry?" I asked, concerned. Not for myself, but for the simple fact that I did not want Bella driving when she was upset. It worried me.

"No, she doesn't seem to be. I think that she is just ready to speak with you. She'll be here any minute." She smiled.

_Good Luck! _She added, as she skipped back toward the house.

"Thanks." I said flatly.

I had no idea what to expect. Fury, doubt, frustration? Had she finally come to a decision about our relationship? Finally – like it had been some long measure of time. It had really only been one day. What if she has though? What if she is coming to tell me that she no longer wants me in her life? I would die. I would cease to exist as the being my family once knew. I would no longer be recognizable to them.

I made my way to the front porch and placed myself there. Just as I did so, I heard the rumble of her truck, turning onto the dirt road that would eventually lead her to me. She would be here any minute. My stomach lurched from side to side. My insides were waging war with one another.

I held my head up, waiting for her approach. She pulled up in her truck and shut the engine off, stepping out onto the soggy ground. This was it. I steadied myself for what was to come.

"Hello" I breathed.

More to come! I'm sorry to make you wait, but it won't be much longer…promise!


	7. Consumed

The basis of this short story belongs to Stephenie Meyer – author of the Twilight Series (including characters and story lines)

_Consumed – BPOV_

I stepped out of my truck and closed the door behind me. I took a deep breath and walked toward the porch, feeling a little exposed.

"Hello" he spoke. His face was very serious – no hint of a smile.

"Hi."

I stopped several feet in front of him, unsure of where to start the conversation. This time he did not lead the way. He was waiting for me to make the first move. He sat there with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him. I couldn't help but notice the look on his face. I wasn't sure that I recognized it. He almost looked…sick.

I began. "Can we talk?"

His eyes grew soft, "Please?" he asked, as if he were asking permission rather than answering my question. "I would love nothing more than to talk with you."

"Thanks." I said lamely. My eyes dropped to the floor and I nervously bit my lip. He could sense my unease.

"Thank you for coming over. I was really happy when I heard that you were on your way. I must admit that I am a little bit scared though."

I was surprised to hear him admit that. He always played the hard rock, not swayed by fear in any measure. It took a lot for him to admit that he was scared. Come to think of it, I had never heard him use that term – scared. Not even when we were facing death in Italy did he declare it.

"I'm scared too."

He smiled gently, and then patted the seat next to him. "Would you like to sit down?"

"Actually, is there somewhere we can go that's more private?" I asked, knowing that his family would be able to hear our entire conversation from inside the house.

"You don't have to worry, they all went hunting. They wanted to give us our privacy" his smile not quite reaching his eyes.

I decided that I needed to stand. I couldn't be that close to him and form a coherent thought. I didn't waste any more time, we needed to get this over with one way or another.

"So I got your note on my Chemistry book. I wasn't expecting that."

"I meant it. I miss you. I miss you all the time, Bella." He promised.

I dropped my eyes to the ground again. He wasn't making this very easy. But now was not the time to hold back. If we were going to talk, we were both going to have to be brutally honest.

"You're not making this very easy, you know? It's difficult for me to be mad at you when you do things like that. I can't think clearly." I admitted, raising my eyes to meet his again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just wanted you to know that I am always thinking about you." He stood up and leaned against the railings that led up the stairs. He stood quietly, waiting for me to continue.

He was so beautiful. He stole my breath. I paused momentarily, regaining the strength that I had lost with that single glance.

"So, before, when you said that you and your family were living here again, did you mean it?"

His brows furrowed in sadness. It was as if he were hurt that I still did not trust his word.

"Yes, we are living here again. The only reason my family and I will leave Forks is if our existence here were making you feel uneasy in anyway. And even then, we would only leave if you requested that of us. We would understand. We would do that for you. It's the _least_ we could do for you."

His answer was so definite. It shocked me. I couldn't imagine his family relocating their entire lives just for sake of my feelings. I was baffled.

He stood patiently, waiting for my next inquiry into his life.

I bit my lower lip again, trying my hardest to recall one of the hundreds of questions that I had. I finally settled on one.

"Did you ever come back to check on me?" I wondered.

"No, I never came back." He said, sounding ashamed. "It was unimaginably difficult to stay away from you in the first place. I knew that if I were to return, even for the briefest of seconds, just to make sure that you were alive and well, I could not make myself leave again. I would have watched you from a distance, then after a short time I would have approached you. And once the connection was made, I would have been unable to leave your side. I pictured it in my mind many times." He said, smiling at the memory. He met my eyes again. "I wish more than anything that I had followed my instincts and come home to you" he said gently.

I was not lost to fact that he had called my whereabouts home.

I nodded my head delicately; absent-mindedly playing with the string on my sweater, my eyes searching the surroundings hoping it would shed light on a question I might like to ask. I came up with nothing. My eyes suddenly caught sight of the way the porch light was sending shadows across his perfect face. The light stretched along his jawbone, and guided me to his lips, his perfect lips. It took a great amount of effort for me to find my thoughts. I decided to ask the most basic, yet the most loaded question of all.

"Can I ask what you were doing during the time that you were away?"

I suddenly found myself frightened of what his answer might be. What if he says that he had found another family to live with during that time? What if he had gone to live with the Denali clan? I was jealous at the thought of Tanya and her petty crush on him, although I could not blame her. No doubt she would have loved his company. What if he had met someone while he was away, someone to pass the time with – a companion? My heart would scream in agony.

He took an unnecessary deep breath and began.

I braced myself.

"I was nowhere in particular at first. I would spend weeks away from my family, returning for only a day at a time before running away again. I tried my hand at tracking, but I found out rather quickly that it was not in my nature to do so. Not well at least. I couldn't stay on any one trail for long. It was rather disgraceful. After finding no solace in tracking, I decided to leave my family again. I needed to be away from them. They possessed too much of our history. It was difficult to even look at them. They begged me not to leave but I couldn't stand it any longer. It was my fault that they had to leave Forks in the first place. Plus, I couldn't help but feel jealous of them all. So I left. I ended up in Spain. I didn't travel there with any type of plan. I would stay inside all day and roam the streets at night. I never made eye contact with anyone and I only hunted when absolutely necessary. I was only existing – not living, not dying, just pathetically existing."

I sat there quietly, enthralled by his tale.

"I spent the vast majority of my time in attic crawl spaces. I would reside there day after day attempting to drown out the meaningless noise of the life that surrounded me. You were my one and only thought during that entire time that I was away. I knew that it was only a matter of time before I returned to Forks, to beg for your forgiveness. I'd imagined standing outside of your window begging you to let me back into your life. Often you would say yes, and we would continue to live out our existence together. I would also imagine you saying no, and then I would devise ways to win you back over time. I would let these thoughts consume me because I felt it was the only way that I could feel close to you. It was as if a huge hold was ripped right through my soul. A hole that nothing and no one could possibly begin to fill."

He took a moment to pause and measure my reaction.

This could not be his story. This could not be real. It was I that has been tortured and impaired. It couldn't have been him. It was I that simply existed from day to day, looking for solace in the world – but never finding it. For a moment I considered the possibility that he were hurting just as badly as I had been, as I am – in this very moment. Before I could speak my thoughts, he continued.

"Then, one day, I answered Rosalie's telephone call." He said, eyes turning black. He stared at nothing but the air in front of him, concentrating on his words. "She told me that Alice had returned to Forks. At first I was furious with Alice for going against my wishes. I wanted our return to be on my own terms, not hers. But then Rosalie continued with her news. She told me that Alice had returned because you were…dead." He lowered his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

I was floored by his retelling. This was not the adventure that I had prepared myself to hear tonight. I had expected hunting in the Amazon, or college in Alaska, not, lying in an attic crawl space consumed by thoughts of you. I could barely breathe.

Again he continued. "I cannot explain to you the feelings that coursed through me in that time. The aftershock leveled me completely. The thought of you, lifeless, cold, and blue", he shook his head, "that thought haunted me for those last excruciating days before you found me," he looked up and smiled gently, his eyes growing soft again, "before you _saved_ me."

I knew that he had finished his story. There was no need to continue for we both knew what events took place after that fateful phone call.

I began to speak but he held up his hand, his eyes pleading with me to let him finish. He shoved away from the wall and stood facing me straight on.

"I absolutely hate not being a part of your life, Bella. I hate having to watch you live. I want to live with you, next to you. Every time I see you, I want nothing more than to reach out for you, to hold you. I never thought that I could hurt like this. This pain is far beyond anything I have ever known. It's as if I'm suffocating."

He was silent then.

We were both silent.

I stared at him completely consumed by my feelings for him. At this moment I didn't care that he had left me. I didn't care about the last six months of my lifeless existence. I only cared about this moment - him and I, standing here in front of his home. All of the questions that I wanted answered simply didn't matter any longer. It would be foolish to drag this out any longer. We were both aching for one another, and I was the one that had to power to make it right again.

I loved him, and that is all that mattered.

As if he were reading my exact thoughts, he spoke, "I love you." He took one step toward me and then stopped, hesitant to take another.

I would not hesitate. "Edward" I breathed, tears forming in my eyes. I ran to him, closing the short distance between us. He wrapped his arms around me and held me in his embrace. He pulled my head back, cupping both sides of my face with his hands. The emotion in his eyes was indescribable.

"Bella" he whispered, "I have missed you so much. I love you, Bella. I love you more than anything," he said before pulling me in for a kiss. He held my face and pressed his smooth lips against mine, starting off slowly then becoming more and more intense. I was surprised by how urgent the kiss had become. This was not like one of the many careful kisses that we had once shared – and I liked that. I relished in it. I could feel his cool lips rememorizing my own, his soft tongue teasing mine. His breathe was so sweet, a fragrance that I could never forget, no matter how long we were apart.

Amazing.

I guided his face away from mine for a moment; taking in his beauty, before alluring him back in for another kiss. I kissed him eagerly, momentarily slowing the kiss in order to take his bottom lip in between my own. He let out a soft moan, and then tangled his fingers through my hair. I let my hands travel under his shirt and up his back. I have waited so long to feel his cold skin against my hands. His back tensed with excitement and then relaxed at my touch. As he continued the kiss, I dug my nails into his back ever so lightly. Again, he drew my face back to meet my eyes.

This time I spoke, gently placing my hand over his mouth to quiet him. "I love you, Edward." I repositioned my hand and let it gently fall down his face. "I have never stopped loving you. I want to be with you. I want to live my life with you." I added.

He wrapped his arms around me, cradling me to his chest. He whispered in my ear, "I'm alive again."

We took the next few minutes to simply stare at each other. He traced the shape of my face with the tip of his finger, and then he lifted my wrist and breathed in my scent. When he opened his eyes, they were on fire. I had desired that look for so long. It was pure bliss. I had dreamed of this very occasion since the day he left, never once believing that it would become a reality. It was difficult to believe even now – in the moment.

He kissed my forehead and then took my hand to guide me into the house. I was so thankful that his family chose to give us our privacy. I did not want to share my time with anyone but Edward.

He led me up to his room where we sat on his couch and continued to ogle at one another. He ran his fingers down my cheek, coming to a stop on my lips. He slowly closed the distance between us and kissed me gently. I delicately grabbed the collar of his shirt and made my way to his top button, slowly unbuttoning them one by one, letting it fall open. In all of our time together, Edward had kept himself on a very short leash in terms of our physical relationship - a leash that I would have been happy to sever at any time. A leash that I would be happy to sever right now, if he were to allow me to. I knew that he would instinctively stop me at some point, so I stopped myself before he had the chance. I only wanted to see him. I wanted to see what I have been dreaming about for so long. His physique was fascinating - perfect in every way.

"I have missed this." I divulged, tracing the line of his torso from top to bottom. I could feel the blush rise in my cheeks. My heartbeat raced.

He put one hand on my cheek and then lowered his ear to my heart. He then used his nose to trace a line across my collarbone and up my neck, inhaling all the way up. "Mmmmm, I have missed this as well."

My head was swimming. Any train of thought that I might have had, was lost to me now. He was driving me crazy. I grabbed his head and kissed him fiercely. He used my hair to tilt my head back, and then placed a line of kisses from my neck up to my lips. He made his way to my ear and whispered, "You're amazing."

Just then he let out a disgruntled sigh and lowered his head. "Perfect timing." He looked up at me apologetically, "my family is back."

**To be continued…**

**Please review! Let me know if I should continue with this story or end it soon. I hope you're all enjoying what I have so far. Thanks for reading!!!**


	8. Author's Note 2

The basis of this short story belongs to Stephenie Meyer – author of the Twilight Series (including characters and story lines)

_Author's Note_

Ok, help me decide what my next chapter should be about. Vote for one of these three options…

1. The Forks High School Winter Ball…who knows what will happen, or who will show up.

2. Bella visits Jacob and tests Edward's jealousy.

3. Bella disappears without a trace forcing the werewolves and vampires to work together to find her.

I'll wait until tomorrow afternoon to see who (if anyone) reponds, then I will go from there :).

Thanks!!!


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